Let's Try This Again

I can't believe it's been two years since I last blogged. In many ways, I feel like I am right back where I was two years ago. I quit a great job to follow my passions and have more time with my family, but instead I've spent most of the last month and a half stressing about money and trying to find another job. I haven't found it yet, but have decided that until that perfect job (or even an OK one to get us through right now) shows up, I'm going to try following those passions. I'm going to enjoy my family and my beautiful home. I'm going to find a band to sing with. And I'm going to write my memoir.

I've debated a lot about whether to write my own true story or just use elements of my feelings and experience in a novel. It's a hard choice. Right now I am leaning toward writing the truth. The truth is a whole lot crazier than anything I can dream up anyway!

On the day I decided to quit my job, I bought a book/magazine about how to write your novel in 30 days - not complete it fully, ready to be published, but get that first draft on the paper. So that is what I am going to do! Yes I have doubts. I am scared to death. I have been trying to write this story for almost five years now. But what I've realized lately is that the story I need to write about wasn't over yet five years ago. It was really just beginning.

So today I begin. In order to finish the book in 30 days, I will need to write at least 10 pages per day for five days a week. That is a tall order. Crazy really. But I'm a crazy kinda girl!

The Funeral Singer

I actually got paid to sing at a funeral today. I was so busy being amazed that people were paying ME to sing, that I really didn't stop to think just how hard this little gig would be. When I heard that the funeral was for a 19-year-old girl, I knew that this would be different from the other three funerals I have attended in my life, all of which were for people between 60-100. I knew it would be sad, but I had no idea that there would be hundreds of people packed into a room that would comfortably seat 200, that the entire Saguaro High School football team would line the walls, that it would be standing room only, that it would be 90+ degrees in the room and I would feel like I was going to pass out...

One of the first things I noticed when I arrived was that part of the family was African American. This intimidated me because the song I was to sing, Amazing Grace, was originally a slave spiritual hymn, and though I have a pretty voice, it is definitely not a big booming Aretha Franklin type voice. The idea of a small white Jewish/Christian girl singing before this type of "audience" seemed ironic and scary. The other thought that occurred to me was that I didn't know a soul there and the last time I sang solo in front of so many people was in high school choir. Then there was the whole idea that they were actually paying me. It wouldn't be acceptable to "mess up."

The funeral itself was touching and sad. She was very loved and it was nice to be able to catch a glimpse of her life, that ended too soon. I definitely had to wipe away a few tears, listening to her family tell stories about their bright, smiling Princess, and hearing their sobs of despair. I hope my song gave them comfort...

"Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil, a life of joy and peace."

New Gigs

Last week a friend asked me if I would sing Amazing Grace at her grandmother's funeral. They would pay me for my time, she offered.
"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "I would be honored to do it. " I love singing and rarely get a chance to do it. I was glad that I could serve my friend and her family in that way.

The funeral was yesterday. It went off without a hitch. The manager of the funeral home even wants to hire me to do other people's funerals... Maybe I've finally found my calling! Seriously though, I've wanted to find an outlet for my singing for a long time, but don't really have a great pop/rock voice. It can be a little country and a little more classical, but not quite opera, and I love singing slow ballads. So I guess maybe funerals are a good oplace place for me!
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I also had a job interview for a vacation ownership sales job this week. That's a fancy name for timeshare, which is probably one step above, or maybe even below, car sales in many people's minds. But for some reason, despite the fact that I'm honest to a fault, I am good at sales. What happened is I was paying bills last weekend and started panicking as I sometimes do when I pay bills. (I know that God is in control and I need to just trust Him. We're not going to go hungry and we have everything we truly need.) Matt's real estate business is doing really well and money is coming in. It just seems to be going out faster! My business is building slowly, but not enough to pay many bills right now. There really is no good way for Matt to get a second job and still run his real estate business.

So I opened up Craigslist and did a quick job search for real estate jobs, since that is where most of my experience is (10 years in December!). I saw the vacation ownership job right away and it caught my eye because an old work associate and friend was the hiring contact. I called him a few days later and went in for an interview the next day. It was one of those interviews that was more like me interviewing him to see if I wanted the job, since he already knows me and says he knows I would do well. The pay is pretty significant and it would help our family a lot. The hours are weird: evenings and weekends, which will be inconvenient as far as missing fun activities, but good as far as still being here with the kids during most days. It's the kind of job where you just show up and the people come to you: no prospecting and no follow up, which is the opposite of everything else we do. We're thinking it might be a good short term solution to help get us over this hump, and who knows what might happen. I was pretty impressed with what I saw there.

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Kate, our one-year-old, is sick today. We took her in to Urgent Care last night because her fever was above 105 and not really coming down. They did a bunch of tests (checked ears for infection, did a culture for strep throat, swabbed her nose for flu - including swine flu - and even had to put in a catheter to check for a bladder infection, poor baby.) But all tests were negative. Apparently it is just a virus and all we can do is try to keep her stay comfortable while her body fights it off. The good news is we have a rare Sunday where all four of us are home just relaxing with no place to be and nothing to do. Camryn is decorating us all, including Daddy, with temporary tattos: flowers, fairies and butterflies...we are beautiful :)

Where Did Three Months Go?

You would think someone who majored in journalism would be a little bit better at this blogging thing. I have friends who have beautiful family blogs, my husband has an informative real estate blog, and many of my business associates have great blogs for promoting their business online. I am torn in so many different directions and have so many ideas for different blogs that I have done NOTHING, which stops today!

I've decided I'm just going to go with my original idea and make my blog about my life and all that is encompassed therein. To try to separate personal from business would give an incomplete picture of how I spend my days. The reality is that moment by moment my activities
vacillate from those of a wife, a mom, a friend, a (pretty bad) housekeeper and an entrepreneur. There are always at least three things I should be doing and I constantly have to choose which option is best. Like right now, I am working on this, but just turned around and saw the pile of blocks on the floor behind me where Kate was playing before we went to the gym. Should I clean that up? I also still haven't taken a shower because I had a conference call right after returning home from the gym, and got started on the computer. Matt and I have a business meeting in an hour and need to drop the kids off at my mother-in-law's house. A pile of laundry waits to be folded and the folded clothes are on the dresser, needing to be put away...This is my life!

Guess I better go take that shower. I'll tell you more about what I've been up to in my next post!

Victor Malka 1914-2009

Just thought I'd post my eulogy from my grandpa's funeral a few weeks ago. I had so many thoughts I wanted to share about this but life has been absolutely crazy and I haven't found any time to write...

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Although it is incredibly sad to be here, to say goodbye to someone we dearly loved, there is no denying that our Poppy lived a long, full and healthy life. Right up to that last day, he was walking around outside in his garden on his own two feet, taking care of business as he had his entire life.

Born January 29, 1914, in Alexandria, Egypt, Victor Malka was the only son in a family with 7 kids. I guess with 6 sisters, he held the responsibility of taking care of people from an early age. He was a hard worker, but he also knew how to enjoy life too. He played soccer, sang in the choir, worked at the race track, and he always loved a pretty girl and a day at the beach.

He married our grandmother, Janet in 1944 and our dad was born a few years later. Although they lived a happy and privileged life for many years in Alexandria, they were not Egyptian. They were actually French nationals, and in the mid-50s, the Egyptian ruler Nasser decided Egypt would be better off without the Europeans and ordered them all to leave immediately, leaving their homes, their hired help, and virtually all their possessions behind. My grandparents had to pack all their belongings into just two suitcases. Poppy hollowed out a large book and stuffed it with cash and gave it to my dad, who was then 9 years old, to hold. They were stuffed onto a boat bound for Southern France. Poppy quickly established himself in Paris and helped his immediate and extended families in many ways we don’t even know. He was truly the Patriarch of his family and to this day he is revered by his nieces and nephews across the globe.

Three of his sisters stayed in France and raised their families there and the other three, along with Poppy, came to the US, to New York a year later. We met many of our French cousins as children when we used to spend summers with Nana and Poppy in New York.

I have so many great memories of summers with Poppy in New York. He bought a house on a cul de sac in the suburbs, on Long Island, when most people lived in the city, and he was so proud of that house and neighborhood. Bellmore, NY was a quaint and quiet town, half an hour from bustling Manhattan, and minutes from the beach. I remember getting fresh milk in glass bottles, playing for hours in Poppy’s perfectly ordered garage or neatly mowed backyard, walking to the nearby school playground or the small downtown strip. Poppy was also very proud of Jaclyn and me, and loved bringing us around to visit friends and family. Everyone knew and loved him.

When I was in college, I decided to spend a semester in France to discover my French heritage, and Poppy, already 80 years old, insisted on accompanying me all the way to Paris to personally introduce me to his extended family. I knew by the way they treated me that Poppy was very special to them.

Last week, as family members learned that Poppy was in the hospital, the emails began pouring in. One cousin called Poppy “The savior of the Malka’s, the one who would do anything for his family. He was a tree of life, with beautiful branches in the USA, and roots that stretch all the way back here to France, actually even further than that.” Another cousin said, “We are keeping Victor forever in our hearts as the inspiring, loving and generous person he was all his life. May God bless him.” To that I say, Amen.

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Here's the song I sang in Hebrew (transliterations) and the English translation:

Shalom Rav – Grant Peace
Shalom rav al Yisrael am'cha tasim l'olam (2X)
Ki atah hu Melech Adon l'chol ha-shalom (2X)
V'tov b'einecha l'vareich et am'cha Yisrael b'chol et uv'chol sha'ah bish-lomecha
Baruch atah Adonai, oseh ha shalom

Grant abundant peace over Your people, Israel forever. For You, God, are the sovereign source of all peace. So may it be good in Your eyes to bless Your people in every hour and in every season with Your peace. Blessed are You, Lord our God, who blesses His people with peace.

Circle of Life

Turns out I ended my daycare responsibilities not a moment too soon, as I received news last Wednesday that my grandfather, 95, whom we call Poppy, had fallen and hit his head and was at the hospital. My initial impression was that it wasn't too serious, but his head was bleeding quite a bit (which heads tend to do) and my grandma couldn't pick him up, so she had called 911.

Upon doing a CT scan, they found a hemotoma, or a build-up of blood on his brain and soon discovered that it was actually mostly old blood rather than fresh from this fall. Over the next 24 hours, his condition worsened from flirting with the nurse and asking for a kiss before his transfer to the Level 1 Hospital, to being relatively unresponsive and in obvious discomfort by the time I was able to visit the next morning. We were told that without surgery to drain the blood, he would only last a few days, but that if the surgery was successful, it could greatly improve the quality of the remainder of his life. We knew it was a gamble and we knew it was risky to perform brain surgery on a 95-year-old, but the doctors seemed hopeful and Poppy mumbled a feeble "d'accord" (OK) when my dad asked if he wanted them to do the surgery, so we went forward.

A temporary pacemaker was installed to help regulate his heart during the surgery, which was performed Thursday evening. It appeared to be "successful" in terms of removing the blood; however, he never woke up after the surgery. At first when I went to visit him in the ICU Friday morning, he just appeared to be peacefully sleeping, even snoring away. By the next morning, he was still sleeping, but now had an oxygen mask and looked worse. We held a family meeting with his doctors and decided to let nature take its course rather than taking aggressive measures to prolong his life, according to his express wishes.

Doctors removed the pacemaker and then transferred him from the ICU to a regular room in the hospital. From there, he was transferred last night to Hospice Care near his house in Scottsdale. We have all been visiting and he seems to respond ever so slightly to our voices. He is at this point "actively dying" and we are told that he will probably remain with us for a few more days.

I have much more to share on all this, but thought I'd get at least the basic info out before I go to bed tonight and add more later. It has been an exhausting few days to say the least. Some of us are handling it all better than others. It is always sad to lose a loved one, but I know that he lived a long and healthy life and he has been ready to leave this world for a while now. I just pray that God will grant him the peace that only He can...

Mommy Failed Daycare

Today I went back to being just a Mom, Wife and occasional Realtor. No longer am I a Professional Daycare Provider. La Maternelle Daycare and Preschool was in business just two and a half weeks. I will admit that it was a LONG two and a half weeks, yet I still feel a little sad that it didn't work out, and a bit like a failure. This morning Camryn asked who was coming over and was extremely disappointed that it would be just us again.


Through this experience I learned a few things:


1) Boys really are way different from girls, and God made me a mom-of-girls for a reason. As much as Camryn's whining, drama and changing clothes at least five times a day may grate on my nerves, I feel way better equipped to handle that than the "boy stuff." (It's not like the boys I have taken care of are bad. Even if their moms weren't possibly reading this, I'd say they are great kids, they just require an entirely different kind of energy than I seem to possess.)


2) Having an extra few kids show up each day between 7:30 and 5:30 doesn't automatically make it easier to be more organized, scheduled, disciplined, or a better housekeeper. If anything, it makes it that much harder.


3) Even though Camryn loved having a constant playmate and possibly whined less throughout the day, this did not alleviate my tough job of disciplining. It only created new opportunities and challenges for disciplining.